Harder Than You Know
by Sesshoumarus-Dark-Angel
Summary: A story about Ben Bruce from Asking Alexandria...bad at summary's. Just read.


_You said this could only get better_

_There's no rush cause we have each other_

_You said this would last forever_

_But now I doubt that I was you're only lover_

_Are we just lost in time?_

_I wonder if your loves the same_

_Coz I'm not over you._

(Claire's POV)

I knew from the start that it wouldn't last, but he convinced me that we were meant to be.

He was in a very famous band and he was constantly touring different countries for months at a time. It was when he was away that it was the worst, not knowing what he was doing or who he was doing it with. We would try and keep in touch but the time difference was hard to cope with and we couldn't talk very often, when we did talk it was only for a few minutes. I began to realise that things were changing, that he was part of a world that had no place for me. It was when the pictures that were put up on some girls website that made me realize we were just too different. That didn't mean it didn't hurt when I told him to leave.

_Baby don't talk to me_

_I'm trying to let go_

_Not loving you is harder than you know_

_Coz you're driving me so crazy_

When I broke things off he was still on tour, he was really drunk so I'm not sure if he understood what I was trying to say to him. It was the morning after though that the phone calls and messages started, he was begging me to reconsider and told me that he couldn't live without me. I told him that the relationship was going nowhere and that we were just far too different for each other, he tried to tell me that being different was good and opposites attract, I asked him what was so different about the naked girl in the pictures he was doing body shots off of. He couldn't answer me so I just bid said goodbye and hung up.

I was packing all my stuff from the house that we shared a few days after when the door slammed open. I could hear him shouting for me, which confused me because he was supposed to be on the last two weeks of his tour in Australia. He ran into our bedroom and I could clearly see the tears in his eyes,

"What are you doing here Ben, you're supposed to be in Australia right now" I asked him

"I cancelled the remaining dates to come see you, I had to come and talk to you Claire" He replied and his voice was hoarse, like he'd be crying for days.

"Why, I told you that I didn't wanna see you"

"You have to let me explain the pictures" he begged

"How on earth can you explain doing body shots off a naked girl in a hotel room? What else happened that night?" I asked trying not to let my own tears surface

"Look you have to believe me, nothing else happened with that girl, I just got really drunk and didn't know what I was doing. It was Danny who introduced me to her and things just got crazy from there, you have to believe me I didn't mean to hurt you"

"What's going to happen the next time your drunk Ben? You can't blame Danny for this because from what I saw in those pictures he wasn't forcing you to do it."

"I know it was nobody's fault but mine, but please Claire I never meant to hurt you, I love you" He cried his tears spilling over.

"I love you Ben but I can't do this anymore, I can't sit here wondering what you're doing when you're away. We never talk anymore, you're always working or drinking and I can't exactly come with you when you go on tour, I have my own life here. I love you Ben, I really do but I just can't stay" I cried grabbing my bags and running out of the house.

(Ben's POV)

_How could I miss you when you never would stay_

_If you need time then I guess I'll go away_

_Inside me now is only heartache and pain_

_So where's the fire you've become the rain_

_Are we just lost in time_

_I wonder if your love's the same_

_Coz I'm not over you_

I fell to my knees as I watched her run out of my life. How could I have been so stupid? All this because I like the rockstar life, with all the parties and the girls. Now I've hurt one of the only few people who truly cared about me. I never knew that love could hurt a person this much. I pulled out my phone and tried to call Claire again, but she wouldn't answer me. I threw my phone at the wall and sat there in silence trying to work out how to fix this. I had only been sitting there for a few minutes when my phone started ringing, surprised that it hadn't broke I walked over and checked the caller I.D. It was Danny,

"Danny, what's up man?" I answered trying not to sound like I had been crying

"Hey man did you find Claire? Did you manage to work things out?" he asked

"She's gone man, she's gone and I don't know what to do" I said biting back a sob

"Christina called just after you left Australia man, she said that Claire's going to LA to stay with her while we're on tour. Speaking of which are we still canceling the rest of the dates dude or do you think you can still play?"

"I dunno Danny, I don't think I can do it, I wanna go and try and find her and work things out"

"Ben dude you know I love you dude, you're one of my brothers but I don't wanna let the fans down. How bout this, you come back to the wonderful land of Oz and finish the tour, give Claire some time to calm down and when the tour's finished come back to LA with me and talk to her?"

"Okay dude, that sounds like a better plan than the one that I had, which was running around all the airports in London looking for her, I'll see you soon man"

"See you soon Ben," Danny said then disconnected the call.

I sighed as put my phone back in my pocket and stood up. Danny was right, all she needed was time to calm down and in the meantime I would try to not let our fans down. I made my way back to the airport and booked myself on the first flight back to Australia.

(Claire's POV)

_Baby don't talk to me_

_I'm trying to let go_

_Not loving you is harder than you know_

_Coz you're driving me so crazy_

_And if you don't want me then_

_I guess I'll have to go_

_Not loving you is harder than you know_

_Yeah_

Two days had passed since I left London for LA and my closest friend Christina. She had told me when I had arrived that Ben had went back to finish the tour. Christina and I had known each other for years and it was when she first got together with Danny that they had introduced me to Ben. Christina and Danny shared an apartment in LA and she was the first person I'd called when I decided to leave Ben and start all over again. Being in London held too many memories for me so I decided to try my luck in LA and make some new memories with my closest friend by my side.

It was just after sunrise when I walked into Christina's massive kitchen to make myself some coffee, I hadn't been able to sleep again last night. I hadn't been sleeping very well since I left Ben and to my surprise Christina was already awake and surfing the internet. She looked up and smiled when I entered,

"Morning dude, why you up so early?" I asked her

"Oh couldn't really sleep last night, missing Danny a lot and I've never really been able to sleep properly without him there. He'll be home in a week though and I can't wait," she replied with another smile

One thing I always liked about Christina was that she always had a smile on her face, even if something was bothering her she would just keep smiling and soon everyone around her would start smiling too.

"One week huh, thought it would be longer than that, no worries though I'll find a place of my own before he gets back"

"You know you can stay here as long as you like, you're more than welcome too, Danny doesn't mind"

"I know dude, but he's been gone for what two months this time and knowing you two I wouldn't wanna be here when he gets back and you both make up for lost time," I replied laughing

"Hey, we are not that bad!" She shouted slapping me upside the head playfully

I just nodded my head and laughed while I fixed myself some breakfast, music from Christina's laptop distracted me though and I made my way over to see what she was doing. I regretted my decision though, there was Danny and Ben and the rest of Asking Alexandria's new music video for their latest single Not the American Average. Danny was shouting at the crowd to scream when the music slowed down and I knew what was coming next, Ben's part in the song. The camera turned to focused on him and I suddenly forgot how to breathe.

_So I'll make the call_

_And I'll leave today_

_I'm gonna miss you cause I love you baby_

_I made the call_

_I'm leaving today_

_And leaving always drives me crazy_

_Leaving always drives me crazy_

Turning away from the laptop did nothing to drown out his voice, the voice of an angel I'd always thought, the voice that's bringing me to tears. I ran out of the kitchen to the spare room I was staying in and I could hear Christina shouting for me. Closing the door I leaned against it and slid down to the floor. I didn't bother to stop the tears this time, I was tired of holding them back. I missed him so much and being apart from him like this hurt more than I could've imagined. I know that when we were together and he left to go on tours it hurt, but this seemed so much worse. It was like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest and I was forced to keep living with this gaping hole where my heart was. I didn't understand how Christina could cope with Danny being gone for months at a time and still have the relationship they do, they still are as close as when they first got together. I got up and walked over to the bedside cabinet and picked up my phone and lay down on my bed. I scrolled down to Ben's number in my phone and stared at the call button arguing with myself, my brain was telling me not to call him but my heart was telling me to call him and tell him that I'd forgiven him. I decided to listen to my heart for once and hit the call button, it went straight to voicemail so I hung up and put the phone back on the cabinet.

_Baby don't talk to me_

_I'm trying to let go_

_Not loving you is harder than you know_

_Yeah_

(Ben's POV)

Finishing this tour had been one of the hardest things I had ever had to do, the rest of the band knew what was happening and they tried to be sympathetic but they didn't understand how badly it hurts. Claire was my soul mate and it was worse than hell knowing that when I was finished on this tour I couldn't go home and wrap my arms around her. The fans that came to our shows could see that something was wrong and after one of our shows in Melbourne we did a signing and the fans kept asking if I was ok and saying that they were sorry about the break up. That part confused me because I hadn't posted anything about it, when I had asked them what they had meant they said that the girl from the pictures was posting all over the internet that I had broken up with my girlfriend and started dating her. I was stunned for a moment before telling them that it was a lie. After the signing it was back to the bus and then to the airport so we could all fly back to LA, as soon as I got back on the bus I pulled out my phone, logged into twitter and posted that all the rumors of me and that girl being together were a lie.

After that I spent the two hour ride to the airport trying to get some sleep, which turned out to be useless, I haven't been able to sleep since Claire left and I don't think I'll be able to until I get her back. An hour later and the band and I were on our way to LA, Danny called his girlfriend Christina before we boarded and devised a plan to help me win her back. The rest of the flight consisted of mini bottles of Jack Daniel's and Danny telling me the plan.

(Claire's POV)

_Baby don't talk to me_

_I'm trying to let go_

_Not loving you is harder than you know_

_Coz you're driving me so crazy_

_And if you don't want me there_

_I guess I'll have to go_

_Not loving you is harder than you know_

_Coz you're driving me so crazy_

It was the day that Danny was supposed to come back and I still hadn't found a place to stay yet, I tried booking myself into a hotel for a few days but I was having trouble with the bank and couldn't access my money for another few days. So I decided to stay with Christina and Danny till everything with the bank was sorted out. Although when I said that I had decided to stay, what I meant was Christina had forced me to stay. So now we were on our way to the airport to pick up Danny, although at four in the morning I would much rather be in bed. Last night I had got really bored so I had decided to check my facebook, but that had bored me even more so I decided to see what was happening on twitter. The first thing that I had noticed was that I had several messages, Andy and Jake from the band Black Veil Brides both asking if I was doing ok after the break up. That had almost brought me to tears but I sent them both a message that I'd be fine eventually and that we should all hang out when they get back from their UK/European tour. The last message was from some girl named Tara, she said that she enjoyed the time she spent with Ben in the hotel room and that she was grateful for me breaking up with him so now she could have him all to herself. That message had brought me to tears and took me less than a few minutes to completely destroy my laptop. Christina must have heard it because she ran into the room, took one look at the mess and pulled me into a hug, the last thing that I remembered was her telling me that everything would be ok and that she would fix everything.

Pulling into a parking space Christina killed the engine and turned to look at me,

"No matter what happens Claire, know that Danny and I will be there for you."

"What are you talking about?" I asked

She just turned away from me and got out the car, heading towards the main entrance of the airport. I got out the car and followed her shouting for her to wait up. Catching up to her I grabbed her

by the arm and turned her to face me,

"Christina, what on earth are you talking about?"

She wouldn't look at me, and suddenly a few things clicked into place. The secret calls to Danny and constantly asking me to talk to Ben and work things out with him. I let go of her arm and took a few steps back,

"Christina what have you done?" I asked nearly shouting

She turned and walked away from me and it was then that I saw it, coming out one of the terminals was Danny, the other guys from Asking Alexandria, and the last person that I wanted to see, Ben.

I could see that Danny had his arms around Christina but he pulled away to ask her something, she nodded and pointed at me. The whole group looked at me then and I finally understood the whole fight or flight thing the discovery channel was always talking about, so I chose the latter of the two, flight. I couldn't take the whole band staring at me, I couldn't bare to have Ben look at me. I had so badly wanted to talk to him but my mind had other ideas. The next thing I knew I was running out the airport, past Christina's car and I kept on running till my lungs where ready to burst and I didn't know where I was. I had landed myself in some rundown part of the town so I did the only thing that I could think of, I called Christina. I knew it wasn't a good idea considering what had just happened, but I had no way of getting back to the apartment and I didn't really know my around LA yet.

After calling Christina and giving her a rough description of what was around me, she told me to stay put, she knew where I was and she was coming to get me. I sank down onto the sidewalk and wrapped my arms around my knees, I could feel tears coming again. Shaking my head angrily, I tried to tell myself to stop crying and that I had already shed enough tears for Ben, I knew it was useless though. Countless times I had to stop myself from calling him. Trying not to love him was the hardest thing I tried to do, I knew that I always would though.

_Baby don't talk to me_

_I'm trying to let go_

_Not loving you is harder than you know_

_Coz you drive me so crazy._

(Ben's POV)

I watched as she ran away from me again and I swear it hurt more than it did last time. Danny's plan didn't seem like it was going to work now and I slowly felt any hope I had leave me. I watched as Christina and Danny hugged again and felt hurt that I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I distanced myself from everyone and went over to collect our baggage. They soon followed me though and soon we were all heading to the car park, Danny and I were riding with Christina and the rest of the band decided to take a taxi. Before we could get the car started Christina's phone had started ringing and when she answered it I could hear Claire on the other end telling her that she didn't know where she was. Christina managed to get her to describe where she was, she hung up a few minutes later and we left the car park to go get her. When I stopped to think about it though I had realised that I would be seeing Claire again very soon and I could feel hope rise in me again. I would make her understand how much I needed her, how much that I regret what happened with that girl and how much that I needed her in my life.

(Claire's POV)

I had just managed to get myself calmed down when I saw Christina's car turn the corner. I picked myself up of the sidewalk and waited for her to pull over so I could get in. I had expected Christina to get out of the car but it wasn't her, it was Ben and I could feel myself lose control again. He walked round the car and headed straight for me, the last thing I expected him to do was to put his arms round me but that's exactly what he did. Any strength I had left vanished when he did that and I knew that I didn't want to fight it anymore, I needed him in my life. I felt more tears bubble to surface, so I pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes,

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"When you left me in London I was a mess, but Danny convinced me that I needed to pull myself together and go back and continue the tour. I knew I couldn't let the fans down even though I wanted nothing more than to follow you and try and make you see how sorry I was. Claire I love you so much and I know that I hurt you badly but you have to believe me that it was nothing, she meant nothing to me and it killed me every time I had to leave for tours. You mean everything to me and I need you in my life," he replied wiping tears from his eyes.

"Ben I love you too, I really do and it nearly killed me not having you in my life. I'm not mad anymore about what happened with her, I stopped being mad when you left Australia to come see me, I realised how much that you cared when you did that. I handled the situation badly and did the first thing I could think of which was to run, but I don't wanna run anymore. I need you with me and I hope we can start over again?" He smiled at me and then leaned down and kissed me, picked me up and swung me round in circles. I couldn't stop laughing but asked him to put me down,

"Is that a yes then?" I asked with a grin on my face

"Yes, in every language on this earth" He replied leaning down to kiss me.

I could hear Christina and Danny laughing and cheering inside the car but I just wrapped my arms around Ben and flipped them off. They just laughed harder and Danny poked his head out the window telling us that we had to go, I pulled away from Ben, grabbed his hand and headed to the car. Once we had settled into the back seat I lay my head on his shoulder, he kissed the top of my head and I smiled. I was back with the one person who meant the most to me.

"Do you wanna head back to London?" Ben asked me

"No, it's a fresh start and I want us to start over again in LA"

"Really?"

"Yeah, besides we're not gonna be here often. I'm taking some time off of work so that I can come on your next tour. I've decided that Christina and I will come on tour with you guys."

"Thanks for informing me of this Claire," Christina said from the driver's seat.

"Oh please, like you weren't already thinking of it. Your miserable when Danny isn't around," I said laughing.

"I think it's a great idea!" Shouted Danny

"Danny you think it's a great idea because you wouldn't have to wait as long to get laid" Said Ben.

We all just laughed at Danny's blush, he mumbled something and sulked all the way back to his apartment. I just smiled and held Ben's hand, as far as I was concerned everything was ok again.

_Baby don't talk to me_

_I'm trying to let go_

_Not loving you is harder than you know_

_Sometimes though, letting go is not the answer_

_Love is not something to be easily forgotten_

_Life is hard_

_But love is harder._


End file.
